A visit from Girl A

If you don't know who Girl A is check these two posts - A Surreal Evening and Isn't it supposed to get easier. (I call her Girl A because I don't know which of my friends might be reading this blog, and the last thing I want to do is embarrass people, and most importantly, her, by putting real names in my posts)

She is studying web design at the moment, but, her computer has been broken for nearly a month and a half. Understandably that makes it rather difficult for her to finish the assignments required for the course.

So, I volunteered to fix her computer so that she can get her assignments done. I've been playing with computers for years and so solving minor issues such as hers are fairly easy for me.

But, underneath my gentlemanly concern for her studies, there is an ulterior motive. You see, on Friday night at the party (A Surreal Evening) she mentioned that she was going to the guy's house that she has been seeing for the last few months to use his computer for her assignments.

I haven't sucked up the courage to ask her about this guy, and whether I might be replacing this guy in the foreseeable future. I will, in fact if I keep drinking this bottle of wine that I bought for us to share over dinner when she dropped off the computer, I might do it when she comes to pick it up after class. But, deep down, I secretly hope that by fixing her computer I can remove one reason to see my competition.

I am extremely jealous by nature. I can't help it. An ex-wife that slept around on me, followed by a string of girlfriends who followed suit, has left me with a nagging doubt about all my relationships. I cannot help but hate any person that is involved with someone I am interested in. It has nothing to do with them. They are probably great people. I just don't like them.

I know it sounds petty and insecure. I am completely aware of how childish my ideas are. I just don't care. I really like this girl. She complements me in more ways than I can count. I feel happy around her, empty in that one place in my heart that the rest of my life can't fill when she isn't near me. She is good with money, I'm not, and that's something I need somebody to push me with. She is driven to succeed in her career, and I detest people without aspirations. She wants to enjoy her life by seeing the world and experiencing new things, the reason I don't is that I want someone to share those experiences with.

I can't guarantee that I will ask her the question that is burning my brain tonight. I will probably wuss out and say goodnight like any nice guy would. Then, I will stand and watch her drive away, kicking myself for not asking, and then spend the next month wishing that I had said what I should.

Wish me luck.

By the way, we did at least have dinner tonight. Forty-five minutes of conversation and happiness on my part. Dinner was a Cajun Chicken Salad. It's the closest thing to healthy food that I know how to cook, and takes only twenty minutes to make. The perfect "I wish it was a date" meal if ever I found one.

Update: I wussed out. But we all knew that was going to happen, didn't we?

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