Isn't it supposed to get easier?

I called a girl tonight.  She didn't answer, but that's not the point of this post.  The point is, that at thirty years old, I still get nervous when I'm calling the opposite sex.

I thought that these things were supposed to get easier the older you get.  Surely age brings wisdom and maturity, gives clarity of thought, and settles the nagging insecurities that plagued our youth.

Well, I guess it doesn't.  I still fear rejection, worry that I won't know what to say, or say the wrong thing, or just be boring and self centred. In the back of my mind there is a small voice that whispers, "You just aren't that attractive/interesting/loveable". I know that voice well.  It's the same voice that, as a child, made me shy and introverted around new people.  As a teenager it convinced me that none of those intensely aloof, gorgeous women would ever talk to me, so why bother? When I was married, and unhappy, it whispered that this was as good as I could get and I should take the abuse and dramas.

That voice has held me back for 30 years. This girl is special. I think I'll ignore the voice.

Labels: life, love, fear

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